Zen in the Art of Toasting

Zimmer Zen is for those who focus their practice on the ordinariness of daily life rather than on the minutae of Buddhist doctrinal issues - and there's no better place to start than with breakfast. So here's a lovely haibun about an encounter with a toaster by my good friend Ken Jones:

Satisfaction Guaranteed

Dead toaster
the autopsy frustrated

by knurled nuts

To bring it back to life we turn to the INSTRUCTIONS folder, sandwiched between a French bread trimmer manual and all you need to know about the Funkwecker Radio-Controlled Alarm Clock. Alas, no dramatic Exploded Parts Diagram - to every humble grub screw it's unique number. We trawl the aseptic text for signs of humanity. There are some mildly lyrical - even compassionate - moments, as in the advice to "remove any loose raisins from the surface of the bread...this will help them from falling into the toaster." Hapless crumpets are more summarily dealt with - "Slice each crumpet into equal halves."

Generally the mood is one of anxiety - even mild neurosis. "Bread may burn! This toaster must be watched!" And then there are some dark but vaguely suggestive warnings: "Do not use this appliance for other than it's intended use.

Under "Toasting Notes" the owner/operator is taken more seriously in hand, beginning with the proposition that "Toasting is a combination of cooking and drying the bread". The writing becomes so fretfully didactic as to suggest it is the work of one of Adorno's "Authoritarian Personaly Types", possibly a fascist and spouse beater. And the following is decidedly esoteric:

Applicable for custom-made-face on toast ONLY. Generally speaking, the higher browning controls setting, the higher thye quality of custom-made-face toast. Experience it yourself and enjoy the toast!

Note the sudden generosity of spirit at the end. It moves Noragh to draw a "custom-made-face" on the inert toaster, as a kind of wish fulfilment magic. Meanwhile, from the fault-finding section I sketch out a decision-tree, to which she adds a few crows.

We try to give the writer a more sympathetic ear. And then, in an obscure corner of the text, he or she observes off-handedly that "the handle may not latch if the browning control is set to minimum." Yes indeed!

Surely one area of life where "Satisfaction is Unreservedly Guaranteed".

Clack!
Two perfect slices
shoot out into this troubled world

Haibun is a Japanese-inspired combination of haiku poetry and prose in a style originally attributed to Basho - a 17th Century Zen Buddhist monk and poet. Ken Jones is a Zen Buddhist and a recognised expert of the modern haibun.

Zimmer Zen In A Nutshell

History
Zimmer Zen is an as yet little-known school of Buddhism founded by it's First (and only) Patriarch, "Sid Arthur-itis" some years after his retirement at the age of 65. According to legend, it seems he was unhappy in his retirement and often ventured out beyond the confines of his nursing home. One day, whilst sat at the local pond feeding the dukkhs, he came across three sights that changed his life forever and brought forth what is now known as "Zimmer Zen". Unfortunately, he forgot what they were so we are none the wiser. Nevertheless, over time his teachings were formulated and are now revealed here for the first time.

The basic teachings of Zimmer Zen are simple but not easy to practice:

There are Four Zimmer Zen Truths
Bones get creaky, skin gets crinkly, brains get forgetful
The cause of all this is getting older
There is a way to make things easier
Follow the Eight-fold Zimmer Zen Path

The Eight-fold Zimmer Zen Path consists of practising:

Right Eating - eat lots of fruit and veg (try to avoid baked beans as much as you can)

Right Exercise - do lots of walking, dancing and 'horizontal yoga' (but only if you can manage it safely)

Right Viewing - get your eyesight checked regularly and be mindful of your TV and DVD choices

Right Speech - resist the temptation to gossip or express grumpy thoughts

Right Livelihood - make sure you collect your pension and any other benefits you are legally entitled to

Right Thought - be positive and remember the good things you've experienced

Right Mindfulness - pay attention to what's going on around and within you, and try not to be too nosey

Right Mobility - get out and about as much as possible and if you find it hard to be independently mobile, think Zimmer

Future Development
Zimmer Zen may only appeal to those who have been involved with the dharma for many years or who have come to it late in their life. However, as ZimZen does not wish to be seen as "ageist" young know-it-all Buddhists are also welcome - as they too may grow old one day.


Coming Soon: "The very gradual A to Z guide to "Zimmer Zen".

Welcome!

This is a place for Western Buddhists who have been walking the path so long that they may (or may not) now need a Zimmer Frame to continue on their journey. It's aim is to celebrate both the wisdom and the pitfalls of growing older - and to do it with humour and good grace.

Zimmer Zen is an esoteric school of Buddhism which has emerged out of the teachings of the little- known teacher "Sid Arthur-itis" and will be shared here in the days to come.

A "Zimmer Zangha" is envisioned for the future if interest is strong enough so feel free to join in!

If you want inspiration, watch this and enjoy...